Why being too kind can kill your success

Pretty much all my friends know that I am one of the kindest people they know in their circle. (And I'm not bragging about this, I'm being serious)

And I used to take pride in being kind to people, which reinforces this behaviour of mine.

And while I have friends who told me that I am setting the right example to others, I also got friends who told me that I shouldn't be too kind to people because from their perspective, people are taking advantage of my kindness.

I used to ignore this kind of advice because I thought that I will have many blessings coming my way as I help people.

But as Jim Kwik says:"If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them."

So you would think that my life is all good right?

You're wrong.

I was miserable. I was poor AF and barely had enough cash to last every month.

But I never knew the reason why.

This was a few years ago.

Today I knew the reason why.

And there 2 major reasons.

1. I was too kind

2. I was too religious

Not before I get to point no.2, let me explain why point no.1 makes me miserable and poor.

Here's a fact. When you are too kind to people, you are basically allowing people to use up your precious time to do the things that they asked you for.

Your f*cking limited time.

The precious time that you can use to improve yourself to achieve whatever goals that you have.

But I didn't understand this back then.

Every time people ask me to help them with something, I would always say yes even though I may have some urgent things to do.

I am not comfortable to say no because I was afraid that I might lose this friendship with certain people.

So my life really suffer.

I was poor financially. Emotionally unstable too as I was struggling with my identity.

Things like:

Should I be good to people or not?

Are people or my friend really taking advantage of me?

Do I really get blessings in life because I was always poor all the time?

So I was always in this state of confusion as I question my own beliefs and identity.

But I think there are many times where my kind belief is being tested.

Especially in hard times.

There's a famous quote when it comes to this:" Hard times reveals true friends"

So I was financially poor, emotionally unstable, and when I ask for help from the friends that I freely help at any given time, they refused. They gave all kinds of excuses. Busy lah, no time lah, got other important things to do la. (lah or la is a Malaysian slang, which means "man" or "bro")

And that's when I realised how f*cking true that advice is.

And that when I realised that the friends whose advice I choose to ignore are actually my true friends who care about my growth and wellbeing.

So right there and then, I throw away my identity of being too kind to people. This was a B.S belief.

So here comes new belief:

"Be selective when it comes to being kind to people. Not everyone deserves your kindness."

And my life starts to change.

So for those friends that asked me for help again after they refused to help me when I'm facing hard times, I told them to F*ck off.

Actually, I didn't say that haha. I said it in my mind.

I was still afraid to say it to them since saying no is something new to me so I would just give them a bunch of excuses until they got fed up with asking for help.

So that strategy works.

And I have never been happier in my life.

When I do this consistently, I realise my life improved a lot.

The major change is the fact that I can get more things done, indulge in my hobbies of doing D.I.Y projects and actually finish them.

I was able to focus more because everytime a distraction comes, eg a friend asking for help, I would always justify if they are worthy of my time and kindness. If these people never helped me before and yet ask for my help, I would tell them to f*ck off (giving excuses until they gave up). And then they don't bother asking anymore.

I lose that friendship but I don't give a f*ck.

These people are parasite or vampires (okay that word is strong to describe but it's true)

They suck away your energy and your time that is so limited in your lifetime.

And when I did this, I can't believe how many "vampires" I told to f*ck off 😂😂

Until I am left with less than 10 true friends who are always there for me regardless of my situation. And I would treat them equally, helping them whenever they are in need.

That's how you should be as well.

And I miserable with such a small circle of friends?

Nope. In fact, I am much happier compared to when I have more.

And here's a good rule that I've learned since then:

Spend 70% of your time with people 10x more successful than you because they will lift you up.


(That's why you always see my picture with amazing and wildly successful people on my social media)

Spend 20% of your time with friends that lift you up.

These are your 5 closest friends. Be sure to pick them wisely. You may have some close friends today whom you have a strong bond with but they keep talking about problems, drama, scandals, whatever right. Learn to stay away from them. Because as the saying goes:"you are the average of the 5 friends you hang out with"

So my rule is,  mix with friends who are constantly growing, else, find people 10x more successful than you and make them your friends.

And the third one. Spend 10% of your time with your family, or so-called "fake friends"

Sometimes we can't just ignore everyone including our fake friends. Or even our family members. Why family members?

That's because some family members aren't that helpful when it comes to achieving your goals unless they are successful themselves.

But you can't ignore them, because family are still family. So as you spend 90% of your time with successful people, then 10% time with your family, or fake friends, and let your results or improvements in life be noticed by them.

Let them be the judge or your growth. And perhaps one day they will see why they have been wrong all along and seeing that change in yours, they allow themselves to change as well.

But for some people, they have a very uplifting family and that's great. Have these people as your closest 5 friends.

So those are my 3 rules of friendship and I learned this from my various mentors in life.

Now, let's talk about point no.2. Religion.

If you don't know it yet, I used to be super religious in life.

Like it's the noblest thing to do in life. I'm not saying that religion is bad. It's not. It taught a lot of good value.

But here's my biggest mistake ever: I used to think that the Bible has all the answers.

I had a goal back then to finish reading and digesting the entire Bible, a few pages a day. In the Christian community, this was encouraged and I got all the support I get.

But this is where my life is f*cked up. I forgot which verse it is, but there's one verse (or several) that actually caused me to think that helping other people on top of personal need is actually a noble thing to do in life.

And I embodied that belief right.

And yes, that's why I tried to become the kindest person anyone would ever meet in their life.

I tried helping people - Basically anyone, be it a friend asking to do their assignments, or a beggar asking for money, I would help these people without hesitation.

I thought that it is the right thing to do, and even when I'm left with just 10 ringgit (Malaysian currency), I would still give it away if a beggar passes by asking for money.

Because if I don't do that, I think God will punish me since they need the money more than me.

So that was my belief back then.

And what happens when I don't have money? I borrowed from my friends or ask my parents for money.

And that put me further in debts.

So it's bad right?

Of course it is.

That belief of putting other people's need over mind f*cked me up financially and emotionally.

Because when you don't have money, you get stressed and depressed. That's a fact.

But my environment back then wasn't very helpful in helping me to change my belief.

I hang out with a lot of Christian friends and participated in their activities and I was very active in it.

In fact, I was an exco member of that christian youth association.

And most these Christian friends I have also have the belief of putting other people's need over their own need.

Like I said:" You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with"

And since we're all still a student at that time, we don't really know how to generate money ourselves. So most of us back then don't really have a good belief about money. And I think we all are poor. Living off parents money or student loan.

Back then I also believe that having money is evil, so I would always give my money away as they need it more than me right.

What a silly thing I did back.

But I was very lucky.

I had the opportunity to meet successful people who are very good with their finance yet are very religious and wealthy. One such person that really helps me back then is a man called Vincent J Kellsey.

So I asked him and several other successful people on what are their secrets right?

And they basically said the same thing: Be selfish.

Rich people are selfish.

They focus on improving themselves first before they help others.

And if they have 10 bucks or whatever in their pocket left and when a more needy person comes, they would keep the 10 bucks.

It's a good thing to do because there would always be someone else who's more financially stable that would give that needy person money.

I was mindf*cked.

And then some more advice.

Always help yourself first before you help others.

Don't give all your money away.

And money is not evil.

It's how you use the money that determines whether you're good or evil.

And don't get all your answers from the Bible.

Read financial books. Books that talk about money belief system like The Millionaire Mindset by T Harv Eker.

So I trust their advice, and it's the best thing that ever happened to my life. 

I stopped taking on debts.

I only give away 10% maximum of my money each month to do charity or help random people in the street.

And my net worth grew.

And as my money grew, my happiness grew as well.

And I don't get all the answer from the Bible anymore.

I would spend probably a few minutes in a week to read the Bible.

And if the verse that I read gave me confusion, I would stop myself right there and then and justify it.

If the verse makes sense, I would test it, and if my life really improves because of that verse, I would keep it.

If it doesn't, I would forget about it.

And I would apply that self-check and justify practice to any advice I get: Advice from family, friends, videos, Tvs, Books and basically every information that tries to check in into my "mind hotel"

I must justify their existence inside my head whether they serve my growth or not.

For people that tell me advice, I would research their background and find everything about them to see if they are just a show-off or they are truly genuine and successful people.

Because in this entire duration of my life, I've seen so many fake people and so little genuine people.

So I had to be cautious on who to trust, and what advice to take.

If these people are genuine, religious, and yet very wealthy, I would always go with that.

Thanks to these wonderful and successful people that I met in life, I was able to shift my money belief into an empowering one.

So if someone were to ask for money from me today, I would justify it first, but most of the time, I would say no.

Because here's the thing, if these people are really desperate, they can sell that phone that they use to ask me for money right? Or they can sell their clothes which they always use to show off on their social media.

These people aren't poor and needy at all.

So the biggest takeaway here is?

Don't be too kind.

You have to practice moderation when it comes to being kind to other people.

Give your kindness only to people who truly deserve it.

And don't just follow or internalise any advice blindly.

Justify it. Test it. If it's good, then keep it.

If it's bad, then just forget about it.

Because when it comes to life, you only get to live on life.

And if you want to live life to the fullest, you have to be selfish and improve yourself 90% of the time.

 


Make learning and seeking discomfort a part of your daily life. Here's why.

This is a thought that came across my mind after my morning meditation and reading.

I believe that we should actually learn and seek discomfort in life in order to keep growing. If we fail to do that, chances are life will throw us a very painful lesson, and when that happens, we either break or we accept it and grow the hell out of ourselves in order to overcome that hardship or situation.

Here's an example.

Just imagine yourself in a relationship with a girl or a guy for years.

At first it is very exciting as both of you get to know each other (learning) and have amazing dates and all. But there comes a time where both of you knows pretty much everything about each other, habits, routines, mindset, their past, their beliefs, their dreams and all and that's where the tipping point of your relationship will be.

Now at this point of your relationship, if both of you don't actively learn and grow, your relationship will get boring.

And when it gets boring for a long time, most couple will tend to sugarcoat themselves like most society do like saying this is normal, just live with it.

But for those who can't tolerate this, they will eventually break up or cheat and find other partners to feel that excitement again in their life.

Or they can accept the fact that their relationship has gone stagnant and then they seek out ways to bring back excitement into their relationship like traveling or learning new skills and all sorts of other ways.

And here's another example.

When it comes to your career, just imagine you keep doing the same thing over and over again without actually learning new stuff.

And then one day, someone from the outside came and he/she is hungrier than you, smarter than you and that makes you replaceable.

Now most companies aren't that kind. They don't mind replacing you with someone who is better, smarter, more capable, more efficient etc that will bring more value and revenue to their company as compared to the current employee who performs poorly.

That's because these companies themselves are in the survival game. Because if they don't grow as a whole, stay competitive, then the whole company will collapse, leaving everyone jobless.

Unfortunately our government or any government in the world don't really feel this way. Because whenever they perform poorly, they still have the people's money to bail them out. But never mind that. This is too big of a topic to be discussed.

Anyway, this lesson is true with other areas of your life as well.

The only way to avoid this is to make learning or reading your daily habit. Also have that habit to challenge yourself to do something bigger each and everytime.

So forced yourself to learn every single day for at least 20min. Successful people spend more time doing this but if you don't have the habit of learning, just start small, 20mins a day. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish in the next 3 to 5 years compared to the rest of the society.

Shae this if it makes sense to you and who knows if it will inspire or snap the hell out of someone in your circle to not be a mediocre, but be awesome instead.
#DontBeMediocre #BeAwesome #BeAnOutlier #MakeADifference

P.S. If you're curious about the book in the image above, it's called Ikigai. Easily one of the best book to learn how align your purpose, your career/business, etc so you'll be able to live a happy and fulfilling life.

You can get a copy at Amazon. I normally get my books there into my ipad. Cuz I'm a nature lover joining the fight against global warming. :)


5 habits that makes Warren Buffett a multi-billionaire

Do you know that all rich and successful people have the same habit and mindset?

Be it millionaire, multi-millionaire, or even billionaires like Warren Buffett, these people think alike.

So if you're looking to be successful just like them, all you have to do is copy and paste their way of thinking as your own.

Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

Chances are, if you're not in their circle of friendship, you can't really pick up their habit or engage in conversation with them where they reveal the way they think and act.

Fortunately for the rest of us, there's a way to tap into their mindset and thinking.

And that's by reading the book they personally author.

Yes, books are the gateway to their mindset.

It's where they distil most of their knowledge and life's work so they could reach and inspire a bigger audience to achieve the same level of success as they are.

So from all the books, publications and media coverage of Warren Buffett, I've pieced together 5 habit of him that made him who he is today: a Multi-Billionaire.

Habit #1. Always look for opportunities to increase your income

That's a great thing that everyone should do no matter what your job or what business you do.

There's a ton of money making opportunity today compared to the old days. We have the Internet which gives us incredible information and knowledge that opens up tons of opportunity to make money.

Habit #2. Invest of course, and start today

Did you know that 90% of his wealth today is generated after he turned 50 years old? But if he didn't invest early on in his life, then he wouldn't be who he is today. However our generation today has a different take when it comes to investment.

We tend to choose instant gratification instead of long-term gain and financial stability. I'm guilty of splurging my first few years of salary into buying stuff that doesn't really generate long-term wealth, instead, it was just to show off to my friends and circle of how "successful" I was at my career or business.

But those days are long gone, as I have suffered greatly from that mistakes, raking up credit card debts, and 5 figures in debts because I don't really value money back then, let alone investing.

But making mistakes is a good thing because now I learn to better manage my money towards achieving financial freedom, by following the JARS Money Management System by T Harv Eker.

Habit #3. Borrow as little as you can

Yes, there are times when borrowing is necessary as a form of leverage to achieve an end goal, like for example, borrowing to buy houses or assets that generate long terms gains, or education, which increases our employability, and which in turns increases our earning potential.

Warren Buffet said that you should only borrow only if you absolutely had to, and if you don't have to, don't do it.

Habit #4. Live below your means.

This is a simple yet powerful advice of his, yet a lot of people today fail to do. I've been there too. So what this means is that you try to spend less than what you earn. Most people these days will say things like: How do you expect me to save when I earn so little??"

I was guilty of thinking that way too. It wasn't until I learn to force myself to save a portion of my money in percentages that I started to see and feel better when I saw my savings grew. It doesn't matter if you're earning 1000 or 2000 or even lesser.

Just try to put aside at least 10% of your income towards saving, which you should never touch. If you can't do that, start with 5%, like I did. Then slowly increase that percentage as you earn more.

And by doing this also, you are forced to do one of the hardest things ever: Changing your lifestyle.

Especially when it comes to your social or family life.

A lot of young people these days can't help but to always spend their money hanging out at night after work with their friends and colleagues because as a young generation, we tend to do things that are "cool".

So what's uncool? Stay at home, don't really go out, save money, invest and do it for the next 10-20 years or more in your life until you achieved financial freedom.

It's not easy, and since we as human are hungry for growth, we tend to improve our lifestyle as our income increases. There's nothing wrong with that, except of course, you want to work till your retirement then enjoy your life. Or you can start a good saving and investing habit today, and retire early than those friends of yours who just love to show off.

It's okay to maintain a moderate lifestyle throughout your life. If any of your friends ridicule you about that, just tell them the story of how Warren Buffet still stays in his 5 bedroom house that he bought for $31,500 in 1958.

Habit # 5. Continuous learning

Like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah and many other successful people like him, Warren Buffet never stops learning.

In fact, if you were to read his biography, he credits a big part of his success today by reading the book and studying the work of his favourite investor, Benjamin Graham. Eventually, he hunts down this investor relentlessly to work under him, and learn how he did it.

However, Buffet did not digest just this book about investment. In fact, he spent his late teens consuming as many books on stocks and investing as possible.

Also since he was an introvert and terrified of public speaking, he enrolled in a public speaking seminar by Dale Carnegie and that changed his life forever.

Buffett was quoted as saying, “ You've got to be able to communicate in life and it’s enormously important. Schools, to some extent, underemphasize that. If you can’t communicate and talk to other people and get across your ideas, you’re giving up your potential.”

These 5 habits are common among the highly successful and rich people across the world.

So make them your habit too.

You might not be a billionaire like him even if you implement it, but a good life?

That sure is within your grasp. http://gty.im/849898782


What is personal growth and why it matters?

What is personal growth and why it matters?

If you're like most people, chances are personal growth is not something that you will pay attention to, or even aware of.

Eventually, you'll settle like the rest of the society, where the collective wisdom can only get you as far as a normal career, a few side gigs here and there, buy a house, raise a family, and retire - then teach the same cycle to your kids all over again.

That's the ugly truth of this society.

And yet, the majority of the society feels that is perfectly normal and is a perfectly good way to live life.

Because life is supposed to be that way, right?

Wrong.

There are other ways to live life, and it isn't necessarily a life of extreme luxury or abundance like what the media portrays.

But most people dreamed of a better life but if their only source of learning is from the collective wisdom of the society, they won't get far.

Dreams will just become dreams, and they will just associate themselves with other dreamers who dreamed of a good life.

But surely there is a way to turn dreams into reality, and to live a quality, meaningful life right?

Sure, there is a way.

And the key to do that is to be aware of and invest in your personal growth.

 

So what exactly is personal growth?

If you looked up the word in your dictionary, like for example the Collins Dictionary, it defines personal growth as "development as an individual" which doesn't really provide a clear picture to what personal growth really means.

Fortunately, we have Wikipedia, which provides a broader and more meaningful explanation that says :

"Personal growth covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance the quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations."

So if you look at the explanation above (which I agree as well), there's one thing that is the bridge between your dream and the current you: activities.

You see, people who live an incredible life do different thing that the rest of the society.

Let's take these few people as an example.

Do you know what people like Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet all have in common?

They have 1 habit or activity that they commit to almost every single day: Reading books.

So why do they read books?

That's because the book they read contains information that serves their growth in life and expands their views and potential as well, enabling them to solve bigger problems and tackle on a bigger opportunity in their life.

Gates says he reads about 50 books a year, which translates to about one per week.

He even shares his reading and opinions on the book he reads in his blog 

Mark Zuckerberg also started a book club and dedicates to reading at least one book every 2 weeks.

Warren Buffet also quoted as saying that books enable him to generate his wealth today, and it started with him grabbing a book by a person he looked up to the most, Benjamin Graham.

So if the rich and successful people are doing it, why not the rest of us?

I believe that one of the biggest reason is a belief that people have, where learning only happens in school. And yet, since most people are forced into learning at school, they indirectly formed a belief inside of them that basically make them hate school and learning.

So when they finish school, the learning stops.

But that's not entirely true.

Learning happens pretty much when we woke up till the time we sleep.

We learn from our parents since we are kids, be it good or bad wisdom.

We learn when our parents are having a quarrel, doing something fun together, financial management, the breakfast, lunch, dinner routine, and even their belief.

And pick that up as a normal part of life and we thought that it's probably a normal way of living.

We learn from tv, cartoon and we pick up the belief of the character and internalize it as our own.

We learn from other people as well, how they behave, how they act, and we make a conscious or non-conscious decision to copy their behaviour.

So the fact is, we are constantly learning.

But if we learn from what is around us which is our environment, we will eventually settle as being equal to our environment.

So how can you overcome this to get to where you want to be in life?

First of all, you have to know what you want. 

Now, there is a catch here.

A lot of people don't know what they want in life.

They never make the decision to choose.

This is a fairly big topic by itself and I will talk about it in another blog post. But if I were to tell you an easy tip it's this: the things that you want is usually the opposite of what you have today.

Some people say they are stuck in a job and they wanted freedom.

Some people say they are fat and they wanted to be fit and slim.

Some people are poor and they wanted to be rich.

Some people who are lonely wanted some friends.

So what you want is usually something that you are lacking today.

So give it a little thought, and write down what you want.

Another quick hack is to have a bucket list, and if you were to google it, there's a ton of example online.

But be sure to at least think or write about what you want in at least these 7 areas of your life:

Vision

For example: I want to help end suffering among the poor people in my country, I want to lift them up, and help them achieve a better life.

Career/Business

For example: For me to achieve that vision of mine, what would my career or business be? What skill do I need to learn?

Health & Fitness

For example: I want to eat clean, have an active lifestyle so that I can be fit to take action on things that will. Or I can be fit to enjoy the goodness of life. Or I want to be fit or be muscular like Arnold so I can be famous.

Spiritual
Example: I want to be more thankful in life, and be more forgiving towards the people that wronged me.

Social Life

Example: I want to be able to make friends easily.

Personal Growth

Example: I want to read at least 1 book per month. Or listen to 1 podcast per week. Or learn something totally new each month.

Financial

Example: I want to learn how to invest and be able to generate a passive income that will enable me to travel the world without worrying about money. Or what would I have to do in order to achieve $2000/month in return from my investment?

Although this does not cover all categories of your life, it's good enough to get you started.

Once you have decided what you want, the next step is simply to level up in each of the areas of life above.

And this is where personal growth came in.

Let's take social life for example.

So the goal is to learn how to make friends easily right?

Then the solution is already in your nearest bookstore, in this amazing book called: How to Win Friends And Influence People.

You get more than you bargained for when you read this book. Trust me. I've read it many times already.

or you can choose some other book like Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

There are tons of books to choose from.

As for the big vision above, wanting to help a lot of people and contributing to the society, some of the books I recommend is

Creating a world without poverty or Banker to the Poor by Muhammad Yunus

I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

And as for the other areas of your life, there are books for that.

They're all in your local bookstore, usually in the "self-help" section.

If you want to have a better relationship, there's this famous book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.

But what if you want all that improvement in your life yet you don't read or learn?

Then you're like most people in this world who "wished" for a better life but will never get it, unlike rich, hardworking people who believed they can achieve that better life by taking action and constantly improving themselves.

I'm sure you have come across some people who are super high in their ego, refuse to change no matter what, and they also don't believe that they can change for the thought that they are born that way.

And these people are usually very selfish and stingy for they knew so little.

I have come across many such people in my life and they are the people who have all kinds of problems in their life.

Well, of course, they have any problem!

They try to fix the same problem with the same level of thinking that created it, that's why they failed and the problems keep piling up. (Quoted from Einstein)

So if you want to have a real improvement in your life, pick up a book and read it.

Then you'll overwrite your old way of thinking about that area of your life and pick up a new one that will serve you better.

So as you can see, the impact of personal growth goes beyond just career.

It affects every area of our life including our love life, financial, social life, creativity, parenting, and so on.

But if you're wondering why personal growth isn't in mainstream media?

Well, that's because people are hardwired to pay 10x more attention to negative news and that's what the media love.

The media company thrive because people gave away their attention easily when they are shown negative news, with tons of ads that come along with it.

Sadly enough, the majority of society watch news every day without realizing that the media is robbing them of their happiness.

But since you're reading this, I'm sure you already have a least some sort of awareness of what's really happening in our society.

So if you want to be different, and reach a higher level of life, you can't rely on the collective knowledge of the society or your environment.

You have to acquire knowledge from the people who are successful and had done it, and these people will always share their wisdom in the form of book.

I'm sure one day when you are successful, you too will write a book so you can inspire and help more people to be better in their lives.

So make a commitment today to start reading.

Invest at least rm30-rm50 per month buying "self-help" books that will serve your growth.

And one day, you will look back at what you did today and everything will be worth it.

 

 


I made a commitment to praise at least one person a day, and I can't believe how much I've transformed because of it.

I made a commitment to praise at least one person a day, and I can't believe how much I've transformed because of it.

The best part about it?

I feel more at flow with life again.

And the reason I can notice that difference is because for the past few months of my life, I tried to operate under the "feel the pain and seek pleasure" mode. Which means I attach pain to my current life in order for me to get uncomfortable so that I arrive at a pleasurable place which is somewhere in the future.

The thing is, operating in such a way do works.

But the amount of stress that I experienced is immense.

Also I kinda became quite lonely as I was ignoring pretty much everything else in my life, especially social life. But I thought it was a good thing since I'm giving my full focus in my business venture.

Wrong.

Operating in pain gives me a lot of breakdown. I get easily agitated, tired, sad and pretty much all sorts of negative emotion easily.

It was really a roller coaster ride of emotion. Not really a good way to live life.

So while I do get results, and happy once in a while, I just didn't really like the constant up and down of my emotions.

However, I do know how to live in flow, because I have practiced doing it for years.

The only setback, and the only reason I try the "attach pain to life" mode is because I tend to became comfortable and not pushing really hard to achieve my goals and dreams.

Heck, I don't even feel like achieving any goals and dreams since I was so zen and literally have zero attachment to life.

So life is happy and zen, but it wasn't exactly helpful when it comes to my financial.

You see, I have made some bad financial decision years back, causing me to rake in 5 figure in debts which I still pays till today.

So being in zen mode doesn't really give me the push and urgency I need to solve my financial crisis.

That's why I tried the "attach pain to life" approach, which sucks.

So what do I then?

I went back to doing 6 phase meditation again.

I started to give thank to just one thing each day, and now I'm already 2 weeks in.

I started to say "I am enough" every single day, and I feel good.

And because I feel good about myself, I started finding myself becoming more connected to the people around me, even strangers.

And I find them to be really friendly and starting a conversation with them is just effortless.

Giving a smile and eye contact also don't make me feel awkward anymore.

And I liked it.

So I decided that around 2 weeks ago to give at least 1 sincere praise to at least a person in my life.

Be it a person I know, or a random stranger, or even the cook who prepares my breakfast and lunch.

I would tell them how tasty their food is and that's it.

One praise right there.

And then I remember what Richard Branson said about giving praise to people:

image credit: Ed Gregory

So now that I'm 2 weeks in, it has become a natural habit of mine to just give praise to anyone, and usually it's more than once in a day.

And I can't tell you how much my life has improved.

The first major chances that I experience is the fact that I feel a very strong connection to the people around me.

Like I said above, I don't feel awkward anymore. In fact I feel even closer to them. And I find that I am more happy in general.

Secondly, I feel more grateful in life.

Being able to see how the people I give praise to feel happier and appreciated, I also give thanks to God for their presence in my life, because their presence makes me happy too.

Thirdly, I got unexpected blessing coming my way. 

When I gave praise to people, conversation opens up and both me and the person tends to share more of our life story to each other. And that's when you feel like both of you shares a bond that you normally share with a childhood friend of yours.

So one leads to the other, and eventually you talk about what you do for a living.

And unexpectedly, I find out that I can actually solve their problem or help them get to the next level with my skill.

So in the past 2 months along, I secured 2 additional web project from complete stranger.

Good money? It's irrelevant.

I'm paid market rate, but the one thing I value is the connection I made with that person.

Because ultimately, it's the quality of life that matters, and my life has never been so amazing

And it all starts with deciding to change, and to just praise other people.

Praise lift people up, as Richard Branson says it.

And it has been true all along.

So start praising people. It will change your life.

P.S: I do get higher engagement on social media, and for once in my life, I don't feel so isolated after all :)

To more praises and for a better, happier world :)


What My Parent Did Right

What My Parent Did Right

First of all, I love my parent, and I appreciate that they are always by my side and supports whatever decision I make in life.

And that's a good thing.

Basically I had all the freedom to pursue what I really want in life.

But if I were to compare what they taught me vs what I learn from life itself, there are certain things that I wished they taught me especially entrepreneurship. But given their circumstances, I don't blame them for not being an entrepreneur themselves.

You see, my parent came from a background of farmers and hunters, just like most people in our hometown or longhouses. For them, the only way to live a better life is to have a proper education. And Sarawak is very thankful to have been ruled by the British who brought over their education system to the public schools in Borneo.

And I'm blessed that my both my parent do everything in their ability to pursue wisdom and excel in class, to eventually getting drafted to become a teacher themselves. And get this, less than 10% of students actually graduate from high school, so my mom and dad who was able to graduate that time was a pretty big deal to the community.

They earned not only respect, but a secure passage to a better life.

So growing up, I really looked up to both my parent as a great role model. And even though they encouraged me pursue a better career as a doctor or an off shore engineer, or at least a teacher like them, these career path just didn't really vibe with me.

But I was glad that whatever my decision is in life, my parent has been very supportive of me. So through up and downs, I am here today because of the support of my parent. Now that I am at an age that consider marriage as the next stage of my life, I too shall pass on some of the traits and quality that my parent did right, and what I believe make up the success that I had today.

And here are some of them:

1. They taught me how to read, write, and cultivate a love for reading inside of me

This is probably one of the biggest reason for all my successes today. Especially the ability to read and speak in English. While this is compulsory in the public education system, my parent actually taught me earlier at home even before I went to elementary school. So I got an early start than most student my age and I aced English all the way through high school, where English is still part of the subject taught. Little did I know that this skill is the one thing I need to access the incredible wisdom from the tons of personal growth books available in the bookstore.

Even if I master my native language which is Iban, there's not a single book available in the market is being written in that language. So if I didn't master English in the first place, I guess I'm pretty much limited in every way when it comes to accessing wisdom itself.

However, seeing how much my life has changed since I taken up my first personal growth book, I do wished that they introduce me to the world of personal growth at an early age, instead of just reading random story books or the school text books. But I'm thankful for my childhood nonetheless.

2. They ensure that there's food on the table

When I grew up, food was always available on the table. And once in a while we do have fancy dinner where my dad would book the biggest crabs from fisherman. All this on a teacher's salary.  So I'm grateful for all this since I know for a fact that most people in my community are still farmers who work on their farmland and reap what they sow. So I grew up quite comfortable throughout my childhood and this is what I will do when I become a parent one day.

3. They taught me the value of respect

Respect the elder they said, and as a kid, we don't have much choice do we? Well mine is 50/50. I tend to have the habit to question everything in life, so I was kinda rebellious in a way when my parent gave me advice. Nevertheless I still respect them, and only recently that I learn to just accept their advice even though it contradicts to my own belief.  And that's what respect is all about.

4. They cultivate a love of nature inside me

My dad love bonsai. He has a thing for perfection and he cares for his bonsai very dearly. And sometimes he would also take me to our farms and taught me how to plant trees especially durian trees. And we plant a lot of things around our houses especially fruits. So I grew up loving nature and respecting the intricate ecosystem of nature and rainforest.

5. They taught me to save money & invest 

Yes, they taught me that habit, but I was too rebellious to listen to their money advice till my early 20s. So I got into a lot of trouble. Got broke on multiple occasion, as I always spend all my salary and money regardless of how much I earn. It wasn't until very recently that I finally realized the importance of saving and investing money into a growth fund or retirement fund so that one day I can retire early with good passive income to do what I love in life.

6. They taught me how to help others without expecting anything in return

I remember this one time where our family is having a road trip when suddenly we came across a driver who just had an accident. It was dark that time, and quite scary, but my parent decided to bring the drive to the nearest town so he can take care of his situation while we continue our journey. And when that drive offered some money to us, my parent declined. This was probably the earliest memory I had of my parent's kind deed.

And I remember my parent who told me how they helped my cousins, and their siblings to finish school even though they were just starting their career with very minimal salary. Yet my dad still gave them pocket money because their parent couldn't afford to do so. Not an easy task, yet he managed to pull it off and put a lot of his siblings and cousins through school, where most of them ended up doing better in life.

And this is a value that has become a large part of my life. Helping others without expecting anything in return.

7. They allow me to pursue my own path in life

This is probably the best thing that ever happened to my life. I'm sure it was difficult for them to accept my decision to not pursue a safe career path, and instead pursue entrepreneurship. It's an uncharted territory for me and my parent. But I knew it's what I want to do in life in order to achieve the lifestyle that I dreamed of. And I'm glad that they fully support me in every way, even when things aren't going well. But I'm grateful for all the mistakes that I made, even though they are painful, because these painful mistakes serves as my greatest teacher.

All in all, I'm grateful for everything that my parent has done for me and my siblings too. Because without them, I wouldn't be here today, achieving all the successes that I had, or even be here to blog about this.

Anyway, here's a major throwback to our family picture :) Mom sent this for this blog :P


I've completely deleted everything from my blog and start anew. Here's why.

I've completely deleted everything from my blog and start anew. Here's why.

If you have been following my website for a while, (which I’m sure nobody does since I have a belief system that caused me to stay low for many months) I’ve completely deleted every content of my blog (this one) and went back to a blank drawing board.

If you’re wondering why…

It’s because I’ve held on to old thinking and achievement that is keeping me stagnant. The ego of my past achievement makes me feel that I’m on top of the world. That I have accomplished far between than those of my peers and people I grew up with.

But that in fact, as I realized it, is a TRAP.

And it made me somewhat poor again.

It caused me to stop trying harder and get to the next stage of my life.

Then probably a few days ago over the weekend, I suddenly have the itch to revisit my past, and one particular moment stuck. It was the day where I was introduced to the world of personal growth by a former classmate and close friend of mine, and also his idol, Steve Job, and along with it, the quote that changes my life around.

It was a Steve Job quote that says:

If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I doing today?

At that time, I was still just a freshman at my university, and I don’t have big dreams as I was brought up in life where my parents simply wanted me to secure a good paying job. At that, in their vocabulary, is a great achievement in life.

Although I believe there’s much more in life than just being stuck at a job for pretty much the rest of my life, I don’t know what other choices I have in life. Originally it was to become a doctor, but that dream went down the drain since my GPA wasn’t 4 FLAT. All my Chinese friends got theirs, but not me.

But when I met that classmate of mine, it changes everything.

He opened up my eyes to the world of entrepreneurship. And I never looked back since.

But things didn’t turn out as pretty as I thought it would be.

In fact, it took me at least another 5 years to finally venture into full-time entrepreneurship on my own, and it was scary.

As scary as it may seem, when I looked back today, I am glad that I took that plunge. If not, I will probably be stuck at a job I don’t like today, and I don’t think I’ll be here writing this, or even having my own blog, or even thought that earning 5 figures is possible.

Now that I’ve reached this level in my life, I realized that my ego is slowly destroying this life that I’ve created for myself.

I started becoming comfortable, becoming arrogant, negative, and just wasn’t grateful as I was before. I wasn’t invested as much in my client’s successes as much as when I first started. I knew I could have done more, but I wasn’t.

So I asked myself that Steve Job question over and over again until I finally decided that it’s time to reinvent myself, and achieve that goal that I’ve always wanted all my life:

True Freedom.

It wasn’t financial freedom just yet, but just freedom.

I just want to free myself from all kind of attachment to my current life; the apartment that I’m renting, my car, and whatever loans and other financial commitment that I have and just be free to travel the world while being able to support myself with income that I generate from the Internet.

For me, that’s a very scary leap. But I’ve experienced this before. Same feeling when I went all-in from the safety of a corporate job to full-time entrepreneurship.

And I know for sure that there’s a greater and more exciting life awaiting me when I get to achieve that.

That’s what I set to achieve by the end of this year.

And I decided that I want to achieve that by helping others to achieve their goals, to help them find their purpose, to lift them up, and to help them find meaning and purpose in their life.

Let the journey begins.